I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
