i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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