I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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