he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she pinky promised me she was 18
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
