I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
