when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
