My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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