I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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