Four minutes until I can fart!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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