he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize