I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
