i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
