we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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