btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize