literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
