i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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