No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my being single is dangerous.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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