piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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