i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
