Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
