she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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