I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
