Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
