P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
