He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
