tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
