: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
too bad you live with your parents still
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
