Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Are we still banned from the library?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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