Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
