are you so shy because you have an std?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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