We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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