If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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