the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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