last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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