I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
