I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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