Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
