saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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