we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
