When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
