drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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