My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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