There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
