just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
