This girl is more easily done than said...
Welp...herpes.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
