Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
