the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
