Ambien. No doubt about it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I am one with the molecules
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I touched a dick in church today
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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