mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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