Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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