and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
