so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
