I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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