I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
