I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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