May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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