i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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