cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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