I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
