Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
