Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
