Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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