i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
