Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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