he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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