she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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