so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Randomize
